- 11012020 -

NEW YEAR, NEW ME? JUST KIDDING.

January has passed a quarter and I am still thinking what should I do next.

I have doubts. I am lost. 

I am trying to stand on the line, but I am also confused.

What are the causes?

I don't know.

What do I have hesitations?

I don't know either.

Perhaps it was from my previous working experiences?

Perhaps it was actually.... MYSELF? 🤯

Well, it could be!

"Hey, so what are you going to do next? What are you planning to do?", people often asked me.

"I don't know, I am still not sure what am I going to do next.", I said.

"GET A JOB! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME!", they said.

"STOP GIVING ME PRESSURE!", my tiny brain said.

However.... 

"I NEED A BREAK!", I said.

"BREAK? HOW LONG DO YOU WANT TO REST? IT HAS ALREADY BEEN TWO MONTHS!", they said.

"SHUT UP, IRRITATING HOOMANS!", my tiny brain exploded!

"IT'S OKAY, YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE AND FIND THE MOST SUITABLE JOB FOR YOU!", the "advices" that they gave to me.

"ENOUGH! YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME!", MY FREAKOUT BRAIN SAYS AGAIN.

However...

"Thanks! I hope I can find a job very soon.", I said.

I have a thought in the sudden....

MAYBE, I SHOULD FURTHER MY STUDIES! HMMM... NOT BAD.

BUT WHAT'S THAT FOR?

IS THAT FOR ME TO ESCAPE THE REALITY?

HMM... PROBABLY.... AND WHY NOT?

BUT... How long can I escape? NOT FOREVER?!

Seeing my surrounding friends are doing quite well now makes me feel like I am loser.

A REAL LOSER.

I was browsing through Job Street the other day because I felt I was ready!

In fact, I wasn't.

The more I browse through, THE MORE FEAR I HAVE.

WHY? WHAT AM I AFRAID OF?

Afraid of falling again? Afraid of going through the entire process again?

ARGHHH!!

I THINK I NEED A THERAPIST!

Just kidding.☺️

blogged,

Sharlyn.